Chronic Pain

Tonight is low. These days come, sometimes when I have extended myself (not even "over" extended), sometimes when I have not. I would not wish this on anyone, not Bush, or Osama bin Laden, not on anyone!

Last night I visited with a friend I have not seen in 12, maybe 13 years. He asked how I was feeling, and then said "you look good." He quickly added, "I hope you don't mind my saying..." I wondered briefly why he qualified that oh, so dreaded remark. He then told me that he had Lupus, and I immediately understood. He understood. Having an "invisible illness" can be very trying, to say the least. Ah, hell, it is impossible to "say the least" when you are in pain, so - it is a bitch! The problem with "..but you look so good!" is the tone with which it is sometimes delivered. That "why don't you buck up/pull up your boots/pull yourself up by your bootstraps/biggy-doo type tone. Read "quit whining, you look ok to me" tone. I have a right to b sensitive about it. Insurance companies have used it against me to the tune of 5 lawyers, mega $bucks, 2 lawsuits, 3 felony counts of fraud, and 10 years of insurance hell.

I am carrying on not only because I am in pain, but because I listened to Bill Maher interview Bill Moyer about Obama's efforts with health-care reform on behalf of us all. As Moyer said, "...we are all in this together..." And how else should we look at this? NOT! That is exactly how we must look at this. Otherwise what kind of world are we leaving our children?

So, tomorrow will look better. That is one thing I've learned over these now 11 years of chronic illness/chronic pain. All things shall pass. Sweet dreams to us all...lala salama...(yawn)